The first day of my last year...

I start Autumn classes tomorrow morning again at UW. This is my senior year, finally!!! Hooray for 5th year seniors. That's what I get for changing colleges 3 times and taking classes that I enjoy instead of focusing on classes that needed to be completed. Although, I think this extra year and experience in several fields has forced me to mature and grow in ways that I would have never expected. Every now and then I get down on myself for taking so long to finish school... that maybe I should be done by now and supporting myself. But, in reality who says college is only supposed to be finished in 4 years.  I take on this 5th year gleefully and thankful that I do not have a 9-5 job M-F... at least not yet. That will be next year as I sit here. 

I am nervous about starting classes and having to get back into school mode. It is nice though to think that I only have 3 more quarters to push through and it will be all done. graduated. From UW. I would have never thought such a thing was possible for a spacey gal such as myself- from Pullman, homeland of the Cougs. While I still feel like a Cougar at heart, I find that I adore the Huskies in a different way. I do not follow sports so it isn't so much of the rivalry anymore. Of course during the AppleCup I always want the Cougs to win but would feel just as happy if the Huskies got the cup now and then. I guess one could call it a heart divided. 

(a while back I found this adorable baby onesie that is half WSU half UW and says "A house divided" so that little saying has stayed with me in my heart instead of my house ) Back to my main point. I always felt like UW was too good for me, that only the smartest of the smart could go. As I reflect on it I realize that I have always had an extremely negative view of myself in terms of schooling/learning/regurgitating what I should have learned. Some things just never clicked for me and I was always able to just get by.  Squeeze through a class because of charm. Being that this has worked in the past I never really faced the fact that I DO have a really hard time in school, that I am a visual learner and I have to find quirky off beat ways of absorbing information and retaining it.  My learning skills have improved but I could always try harder. I still feel like I just barely skim by but now I am actually truly trying. This can be frustrating because even if I work my buns off I still am not getting A's. I was just never an A student. I wish I could say I was but I just wasn't.. well I did get A's in most art and physical education classes - but that feels like play time instead of school. For me it was never hard to jump rope or spin clay on a wheel.  Numbers and large pieces of literature freeze my confidence and I put up a mental block that forces me to think I just cannot do it. 

Well... I am not sure where I was going or how I got on to this but it's movie time with Brian now so I have to jet. 

Yay for The Princess Bride. 

Always love, 

Natalie